Emerging from Hibernation

The first couple of months after a baby is born is about survival.  Feed, diaper, repeat. The primary goal is meeting the needs of the new baby. Trying to sneak in a little sleep and food for yourself becomes an after thought. All nonessential functions come to a grinding halt. Cleaning, grooming, cooking, etc fall by the wayside, especially with multiple kiddos.  

Our household is just beginning to settle into a new schedule and sense of normalcy. There's something apropo about having a winter baby.  I have entered into a new season of life as a mother of two.  I'm reemerging from my hibernation as the temperatures rise and signs of Spring begin to appear. As Nature renews itself, so do I.

I have gained the confidence to go out with both boys.  Carter and I are both so happy to have a change of scenery and visit with our friends. I find myself relying on the Moby (a baby carrier) much more this time around. With a toddler to care for, having free hands is necessary! 

Logan is now taking a bottle, so I even have a bit of personal freedom.  After 2 months of constantly caring for my boys full time, leaving the house alone feels foreign. Like an amputee misses a limb, I feel like I am missing a piece of myself. 

I've begun running again and even returned to yoga class this week. It feels good to get sweaty and challenge myself physically.  I'm slowly beginning to feel like myself, but my sore muscles remind me that I have only taken the first steps on a long journey. 

Ceasefire

If you have ever been down the rabbit hole of online parenting forums, you know that the mom wars are alive and well.  Breastfeeding, formula, natural childbirth, scheduled c section, baby led weaning, co sleeping, cry it out, etc. Strangers passionately argue over the merits of their method of parenting. But I ask you, does it really matter?  Can't we all agree to raise our kids in a way that works for us and support one another?  Being a parent is hard enough without the added pressure of mommy wars. So much of the antagonism stems from an insecurity that lives in the heart of every parent. We fear that we are somehow not enough, that another parent is doing a better job, but that could not be further from the truth. You have been entrusted to raise your little people for a reason and no one knows how to do that better than you. 

I offer my own personal ceasefire. I am not here to compete with you.  My children are not here to compete with your children. I support you and know that you're doing your best. Only you know what works for your family and I'm not judging you.  Let's stop focusing on our differences and instead find common ground. 

When I see you on the playground, I'm not eyeing your choice in snacks or how you choose to discipline your children.  Let's enjoy the sunshine and the giggles of our children playing together. Because that's what it's all about: raising happy kids. 

The Magic of Parenthood

Once you become a parent, your brain forever functions a little differently. The synapses fire in new ways and new connections are made (maybe it's the sleep deprivation...).  Your mind works in fresh creative ways to relate to your children. You step outside of yourself and your preconceived notions and learn to see the world through the eyes of a child. You become a songwriter, a storyteller, a dreamer. You notice subtle things that you would have missed in your childless days: leaves blowing in the wind, the shape of the moon, planes passing overhead, construction equipment, etc.

You adopt the unique interests and hobbies of your children as your own. You learn about subjects that you had never before given much thought (I know more about trains than I ever knew was possible).  Your imagination is stretched as you recapture the magic of childhood. You leave the literal, concrete world of adulthood for a bit and visit the land of make-believe. Fairytales leap off of the pages of books, opening up a world of enchantment: pirates and princesses, fearsome dragons breathing fire, and glittering mermaids swimming in violet oceans.  It is a second chance at childhood, where you rediscover the forgotten wonders and dreams of your own youth, tucked away in the lonely, unused corners of your mind.  In this way, children are the fountain of youth, breathing magic and imagination back into the lives they touch. 

Lesser Expectations

As moms, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, striving towards an ideal of glossy magazine style perfection. Social media has exacerbated the problem. Damn you, Pinterest!  We want a sparkling clean house, to make wholesome & delicious meals for our perfectly behaved well coifed children who are magically potty trained at age 2, bilingual, and shun TV.  Real life is not as neat and tidy as we would like. I think it's time we lower the bar a bit and enjoy the life we have with our perfectly imperfect children.

Cereal for dinner is acceptable on occasion.  A quick splash of water on your face and a swipe of deodorant may be all the shower you get for the day. "Exercise" is relegated to chasing after the toddler.  Popping in a DVD to get a break after a rough night is totally necessary.  The dishes will still be there tomorrow. Sometimes you have to ditch the To Do list to snuggle with your littles.  

This season of motherhood is intense and exhausting, but also fleeting.  There will be a time for cleaning and the house will not always be littered with toys. 

Mommy Fantasies

I remember a time when fantasies were exciting, exotic, and sexy. I dreamed of traveling the world, sipping piña coladas in a teeny bikini while lounging on a beach, dinner at fancy restaurants, etc. That was before I became a mom. These days, my fantasies are far simpler:

-finishing a cup of coffee before it gets cold

-sleeping past 7am

-wandering the aisles of Target alone

-eating a meal without being interrupted

-a magically clean house

-long bubble baths

-adult programming

-zipping up my prepregnancy jeans

I have traded small indulgences for more precious things like snuggles and smiles from these little people who need me. I wouldn't change a thing, but sometimes I miss those quiet moments to myself. What are your fantasies?

The Meditation of Motherhood

There is so much repetition in my day. I answer the same questions over and over, put the toys away endlessly, read those favorite books until I know them by heart, nurse, nurse, nurse the baby, and then nurse him again, chip away at the never ending piles of laundry and dishes. I feel like Sisyphus rolling that boulder uphill for all eternity. 

Each day looks like the last and they all begin to blend together.  I struggle to find motivation amidst the monotony. I sometimes find myself slipping into auto pilot, especially when I'm sleep deprived (always).  I strive to remain present and meet each day with renewed energy and enthusiasm. In this way, motherhood is a living meditation: to find the extraordinary among the everyday, to rise above the monotony, fully engage and live in the moment.

Difficult days

There are many magical moments as a mom, when my children are sweet and smiling, the sun shines, the angels sing, and all is right in the world. Then there are those other days. The long, exhausting, soul trying days. The days when I keep checking the clock and the minutes crawl by. The baby is crying, the toddler is throwing a tantrum for reasons that are completely irrational, the house is a mess, everyone is tired and their blood sugar is low. On these days, it is tempting to react in haste and frustration. Instead, I try to take a deep breath, close my tired eyes, offer a silent prayer, and remember that little eyes are watching me.  Through my actions, I am teaching them and so I choose to show them gentleness and grace, even on the difficult days. Especially on the difficult days. 

Hello Blogland

Hi there, my name is Katie.  I am a stay at home mom to an energetic, feisty two year old named Carter and a sweet, snuggly one month old named Logan. I also have two neurotic dogs and an amazing husband who makes it all possible. I'm a former professionally trained line cook living in North Carolina. I love cooking, baking, yoga, running, nap time, and dancing (badly) to Taylor Swift.  I run on too much coffee and lots of concealer. Welcome to my crazy world.